Gentle
february wind blew through his hair as he stood in front lobby of the house
leaning against the fence, scratching a spot of wax on its surface, oblivion of
his posture and of the fact that all the doors were left open. It was only when
the befalling darkness of that winter evening accentuated the reflection of
room’s light in his watch that he realized that he was standing there for last
1 hour without moving, thinking about nothing. The watch on his wrist read 6:26
which amazed him, as if he had noticed a pattern or discovered that this
coincidence was rather schemed. He went back inside the room, in front of the
wash-basin and looked at his reflection in the mirror. It was his sad self, dried
eyes and pouting lips. The cheeks had a sign of dried tear lines, he
immediately wiped them off. “What’s so difficult in it, Ofcourse I can smile”,
he thought to himself, trying to prove Vandana wrong who told her this evening
that he has lost his natural intriguing smile. He tried to smile in the mirror,
as if following an algorithm, to widen the lips and curve them upwards. It took
him a significant physical effort to do so. After a few futile efforts, he
burst into self pitying tears again and removed himself away from mirror.
Ashish
calling…
“Hey
dude, how are you”, he replied the phone in a fake tone.
“I
am good. Will a day ever come when you will call me by yourself?” Ashish said
sarcastically.
“Ofcourse,
but you always call me a day before that day”
“Huh…how
are you feeling now? Are you Ok?”
“Yeah,
I am fine. I will survive”, he said, simultaneously logging into his facebook
account.
“I
knew you would be devastated. You were too much in love with her.”
“Yeah,
I am…”, on his facebook page were the photographs of her engagement uploaded
recently. The photographs almost seized him off his conscious and held him at
his place, nonplussed and immovable. The world went silent to him, so egregious
was the nature of the evinced fact that his heart forgot to beat while he tried
to articulate his own feelings and then to understand what actually hurt him
more, the photographs or the comments. The missed heartbeat gave him a deep
pain in his chest when he realized that the phone has slipped off his hands
through which Ashish was calling out to him, he stared at the mobile, gathered
himself up and picked the phone only after ensuring himself of his ability to
voice out a sentence properly.
“Hi,
I am back. The phone slipped off my hands”
“I
have been calling you for last 1 minute, what took you so long to pick the
phone”
“Leave
it… in some way, you know, I think that she will be happier with that guy”, he
said…trying to believe in what he just said with all his might. He wanted it to
be true, however much bitter it felt.
“Yeah,
you should be worrying a little more about yourself right now. She will be
happy with him”
It
seared his heart to hear that from Ashish, as unlike him, Ashish’s opinion
lacked any condescension and thus, in a way, was more approving of the fact. He
continued… “Yes, he has a respectable job as well, earns well and can give her
a better life ahead against me, who has just started his career. He is
obviously a better choice for her. And you know what, he calls her baby and says
that he has fallen in love with her since their very first meeting… Me and my
love don’t stand a chance against him… against…chhod na yaar, kuch aur baat
kartein hain….”
“What
the hell, who tells you all this….she?”
“And
there’s more to it… In the beginning of our relationship, I had told her that
there would be a prince for her who would take her away on a black horse, I remember
it was black as she had pestered me to change it to a white one but I had held
my grounds. Yesterday she told me that that guy had a black horse too. I always
thought that I was the prince in that wish who was proud of being in love with
her.”
“But…”
“It’s
fate isn’t it. All my care, all the love in my heart for her doesn’t matter.
What has that guy done to earn that place in her life…”
“Listen…”,
Ashish tried desperately to stop him.
“and
why can’t I, who… chhod na yaar, kuch aur baat kartein hain”
“Pheww…
Ofcourse. How about your applications?”
“He
will keep her happy, won’t he?... ofcourse he will. I wish he give her all the happiness
I had planned for her. Do you think he will love her more than I do?...
Ofcourse he will, he is the chosen one for her. Maybe I didn’t love her enough”,
he said and her sweet voice echoed in his mind…”how much do you love me Raka Ji?” and he had replied humourously “A Kg more than you do dearest” and she
had smiled back, shying her glance away. To that smiling face he said… “Maybe,
a Kg more than you do was not enough Santri…”
“What?”
“Chhod
na yaar, Kuch aur baat kartein hain”
