17th
Dec’10, Gorakhpur
The shadow of the glass of milk
skirted to the right, falling just short of his mobile placed at an arm’s
distance from him at the bedside table while he was engrossed in the game on
his laptop. It has been a rough day for him, PDIs of trucks and audit of a complete
full range workshop. What best way to relax could there be but to revel on the
deep soft mattress of the hotel room, listening to your favourite songs and
playing ‘bubble spinner’.
Dil kyun ye mera....shor
kare.... moving
his head to the merry rhythm of the songs he kept playing the game
mindlessly.... with a mild unimportant goal of getting a higher score on each
try and nothing else... no worries about tomorrow’s journey back to Lucknow
that started at 4:45 next morning....no worries about his result in CAT... no
worries of when he would leave this job and move on to fulfil his dreams.... no
worries about the boy who was coming to see his girlfriend today... nothing. If
anything, it was just his riant demeanour that he has been carrying since he
fell in love last year.
Bahara..bahara..hua dil pehli
baar ye... the song changed while he kept playing. “Why
can I not score beyond a 562 on this god-damn game... and why do I like this
song so much.....its girlish. May be this song expresses how I feel inside and
the tune is so catchy....”, he thought to himself.
The
phone rang to the tune of ‘pehla nasha’ ....ringtone
assigned to his love. The mobile screen flashed her smiling face that reflected
back on his face as well immediately as he saw it. “Hello dearest...”, still
managing to continue playing the game, he said in a tone full of care and a
hint of apology as he just realised that he did not call her today since
morning.
“Sourabh,
where are you? Can you please come to my home....now”, she burst out crying....managing
to speak and breathe as if she was being smothered by something that worried
her immensely. The score card on his laptop reached 301....This sudden comeuped
situation was still being analysed by his mind when he tried to calm her down
and said, “What happened? I am still in Gorakhpur and will reach lucknow tomorrow
afternoon.....just tell me what happened”. 442...“Oh why aren’t you here..”, her
question was not directed to him....it was but for the God.. “...I am getting
engaged to the boy who came to see me today... the ceremony begins in half an
hour”, and there was helplessness shouting out loud in her cries. This news hit
him hard.....hard enough to render him nonplussed.... no more suggestions were
available to him from his mind anymore.... he don’t know what to reply or
whether he ought to reply anything or not....532....as the sense came back to
him after some seconds he said “Well tell your parents about me.....I will meet
them tomorrow” ....571....a voice in the back of his mind kept telling him ‘you
are supposed to be crying’ but he could not. “I tried telling them.... things
are happening very fast here...within hours many of my relatives have been
invited here for this... I am unable to stop it...”...she kept crying... “I
have to go now,.... I will call you back”, she said and hanged up the phone in
a hurry. Still unable to take up the shock.... unable to think.... unable to
know what he should do....he kept playing...882. ‘You are supposed to cry’...whispered
the voice in his head again. “I don’t know what to do....ofcourse I am supposed
to cry,... then why am I so normal...” the true gravity of the situation has
yet not been absorbed by him..... It was like a hard physical blow that is
immediately followed by silence and then the pain comes after a few moments. The
pain is still to come....1104.... His mind was still in quandary when he
suddenly realized that the room was dark with only a dim light available from
the side lamp which, much to the misery, seemed sad. 1504....He was still blank
about the situation.... “ What must I do?...let’s try to think about what has
happened from a layman’s viewpoint. She is getting engaged to someone else....
that means she will get married to him.... so what? ..... Wait... It also means
that I will not get to see her anymore....” this step by step thinking helped
and the horrific knowledge slowly dawned upon him...2512... “this can’t be
happening... how will I live without her....” his eyes went wet with a plum
rising up in his throat.....3352... ‘Cry’ the voice in his head slyly pushed
the thought again in front of him. And then he started crying....still playing
the game....4560....he cried harder as his mind kept telling him what all will
he be missing, his heart worrying for her.... how will she live without
me....who will take care of her... how will I ensure that she is fine... I want
to talk to her everyday... he cried even harder....the laptop screen went hazy
through his eyes....he kept playing...unsure of when to stop....5508... He kept
crying and thought that nothing he can do will change it.... its all hopeless, he
felt a sinking feeling.....sinking into a hole that is infinitely deep... no
amount of crying could get him out of there.... 5550... the walls of the room
seemed to crash upon him...it was over.... 5672...Game is over!
As
he sobbed silently in his room...the song played again... “bahara..bahara..hua dil”, ....what a stupid song that is.... I hate
the lyrics... he turned off the laptop and cried off to sleep.
