The Start of a new beginning

On that freezing night of Feb’09 as the Bareilly express hooted to the green signal on platform 9, Varanasi Jn., a hand clasped the cold steel bar at the door of Bogie no. S2. There was a haste in the manner of that hand, not because the train was about to leave but because it had a purpose to achieve on this journey & this clasp was the deciding initial jolt that swiftly swiped away all the trepidations he had regarding the efficacy of that purpose.  It was 11:45pm when he looked up to the moon hoping that she might also be looking at it at this moment, and went inside the train. The knowledge that she was also looking at the moon made him feel closer to her. This feeling was what had given him the courage to conjure that desire and then swore it as a purpose. With that purpose and the memories of their first meeting in his mind, he closed his eyes gently; discarding any thought that didn’t had her reference in them and went to sleep.

Sahara Ganj Mall, Lucknow

Their eyes met each other, the smiles, one shying away through the dimple on his left cheek and the other in submission of the fact that she has waited long to see him, met with a warm welcome. The way in which they approached each other and stopped a step apart implied an unjust ending of a sentence that had started beautifully. As if continuing a previous conversation he said, “Let’s go now, we have to buy tickets to next show of Dilli 6”, which she obeyed at once as the time they both had to be with each other was limited. As she walked besides him she realized that no formal greetings were shared between them. This made her feel oddly happy to her surprise. After cajoling the watchman to mind his bag till the show end,  as the same was not allowed inside and no counter was present there where it could be kept, they entered the premises and then into the lift. He hurriedly found himself a place by the back wall as everyone rushed into the lift while she was left behind and could only find a place towards the door but she fought her way and stood beside him. It was then that he noticed that she wore skin colored boots under her brown salwar.

“What?” she asked as he kept looking down at her feet.

“The boots, do they match your attire?”

“Yes of-course, plus I don’t like wearing sandals” she replied and held his hands tightly as the lift started its ascent and the blood accelerated down from her brain. Frightened by this sudden rush of blood she closed her eyes. The efforts with which her eyelids pressed against each other connoted the clasping force of her hand.

‘No, it’s out of fear that she has held my hand’, he thought to himself and devoured a quick glance at her by so close a distance. Ever curious about this beautiful girl, he took a note of her long earrings, the bracelets, the rings on her fingers and that peculiar scent of her which he had remembered still since their last meeting on 26^th Dec’08. She immediately left his hand as the lift stopped when the skin on his hand started regaining its shape back and shook him out of his deep thoughts. “We still have time before the show starts, popcorns?” he asked her as they walked out of lift.

With Pepsi in one hand and popcorns in other she followed him inside the dark Audi. “Here, hand it over to me and come this way”, he beckoned her towards the last row. After spotting their seats he looked back at her. There she stood under the dim light with her earring shining in reply to the golden fulcrum of rays thrown upon her by the small roof bulb. A strand of hairs hid half her face, and the outlining light accentuated her beautiful face cut. For a moment he stood engrossed by that awe-inspiring scene until she asked him back in her sweet voice, “where do we sit?”

“Right here”

Sitting together as they both enjoyed popcorn while watching the movie; he paid a keen attention at her hands. They had long fingers and a ring in both index and main finger. The more he looked at them, the more his urge to hold her hand intensified. Their hands would touch each other at times as they both fetched popcorns. The compulsion of that urge was so strong that he ignored all his trepidations, took her hand tenderly into his own and exclaimed, “You have such long nails.” She tendered the other hand as well into his hand and pointed to even longer nails.

“Why don’t you cut them?”

“I like them long, don’t you?” she kept her hand still in his grasp even as there was no further need.

Just to keep his reason of holding her hand for a bit longer he continued, “Nah, I like them cut and clean. Besides I feel afraid of such long nails, they can be used against me”

“No they won’t be used that way, don’t worry”, she replied with a smile and swiped away the strand of hair that hid her face behind.

“Kaala Bandar …. Kaala Bandar….” Shouted the big screen and the tender clasp of his hand immediately undid itself as the attention diverted back to the movie. For a moment he felt bad at leaving her hands but then he thought that this also was not the answer to his urge. Although they were holding hands, it was still not out of her free will. The topic of discussion had justified that clasp. Unsatisfied still, he sat by her side trying to collect the valor to hold her hand and look into her eyes claiming that ‘yes he has held her hand and he is willing to hold it forever’. But he was afraid of the unknown ways in which that could end. Not clear of what the consequences of such action might be, he sat afraid of uncertainty and tried to concentrate back on movie instead.

 On the left side of that unwanted hand-rest sat she, not a bit interested in the movie, wondering why he had suddenly stopped talking to her. “Why have you come here Sourabh?”

“To watch movie, why?” he replied casually, suddenly interested in the storyline of movie, and looked at her to see an expression on her face that implied that she was not at all pleased by his levity. “I am here to be with you and talk to you and listen you talking to me”, he immediately changed his reply and turned left. After a while of their unending sweet-nothing sort of talks, they sat engrossed by a serious scene in the movie whereas the popcorn tub, half empty by this time, laid dwindling either side on the hand-rest. They both silently took hold of the tub and then, as if by some self governing force, their fingers were entangled into each other’s and tub, bereft of their hold lay dwindling again. There was still no deliberate effort from his side to hold fast to her hands as if he had left everything solely on her choice. He volunteered nothing but sincerely answered each of her attempts at maintaining that clasp with equal effort. But then he realized that this was what he was here for and confidently held her hand, overcoming his fear of the unknown and looked into her eyes claiming his intentions clearly. The sole source of his audacity was the knowledge that his intentions were true and have never seemed as right as at this moment. She kept the dwindling tub aside and held back his hand in submission to his intentions. He felt her soft hands holding back his own with same force and the reason behind that hold was affection. He took his time exploring her hand carefully, noticing where the nerves showed up engrossed, and feeling her palms and wrist. He felt her pulse that ran accelerated at that moment. “So that’s how fast your pulse run?”

“These aren’t mine, it’s your heart running so fast. Don’t you remem we exchanged hearts?”

“Well then yours is a lazy one. It would intensify the beats but run at the same pace, here listen to it”, he said and took her hand to his chest and continued, “It’s always like this in your presence or when talking to you, do you think it longs to go back to its original place?”

“No, I think it feels delighted in presence of its love and longs to come as close as possible to it”, she whispered back to him.

“You look beautiful today”, he whispered back to her and she smiled, smitten. “Oh look, it is beating even harder this time” 

"tum bhi na", she replied, shying away her glance back to the movie.... and the sweet talks continued this way but the hands were clasped as firmly as ever, holding a promise of not letting go of it ever again.

Ofcourse the purpose of his journey was achieved at this moment but he has realized that it wasn’t the end. It was but the start of a new beginning…